What to Expect When She's Expecting
by BG Sparrow
Summary: Week by week, Tony Stark tries to survive expectant fatherhood and faces his most intimidating rival yet - Pregnant Pepper. Pepperony fluff. Post-IM3.
1. First Trimester: First Month

**It feels so good to be writing Pepperony again! My own pregnancy inspired this work a while back, and Iron Man 3 gave me the push to expand and finish it. It's set after IM3 (no spoilers until chapter seven, so you still have time to go see it!), but it is a tad AU. Nothing crazy. All prompts are taken from the Pepperony200 community over at LJ, and each "week" of pregnancy is a 100-word drabble. Disclaimer. Please leave so feedback, and above all, enjoy! **

**CHAPTER ONE  
_First Trimester: First Month_**

**_Week 1 _**

**_148. Complicate_**

"Vegas? I thought you were taking Pepper out?"

Tony chewed on his lip, resting his foot on the edge of the coffee table.

"She cancelled."

"Again? What did you do to piss her off?"

He took a generous gulp of scotch. "Nothing. Her cycle's probably just off or something."

Rhodes huffed out a laugh. "Or stopped."

The glass paused, Rhodey's comment thundering in his ears. Tony's eyes shifted.

There was no way. She was too meticulous.

But she was avoiding him. And she yawned four times yesterday. Had her shirts gotten tighter recently?

"Holy shit, Rhodey."

"Tony? What?"

"Holy _shit_."

* * *

_**Week 2**_

_**126. Code**_

After she got back from New York, he tried not to corner her. Instead, he took his time moving through a morning thick with anxious speculation.

Carefully padding barefoot from the bathroom to the domestic sounds of breakfast-making, he slowly sat at the bar, watching her slide the contents of the frying pan onto a plate. She carried it over, sitting it in front of him abruptly with her hands on her hips.

It was an omelet.

Tony met her eyes, an entire unspoken conversation transpiring between them instantly. Pepper froze under his calm, bright stare.

"How did you know?"

* * *

_**Week 3**_

_**122. Pamphlet**_

He was slumped in the chair next to her exam table not-so-nonchalantly, unblinkingly scanning the fatherhood brochure from the lobby.

Hearing that rapid, swishing heartbeat? Seeing that squiggling speck?

Paralyzed with a golf ball lodged in your throat?

No difference.

The doctor shook his hand, congratulated them, and gave them a strip of five glossy frames.

Tony looked from Pepper's stomach to the pictures as they went through the lobby again, scheduling her next appointment.

No bigger than her pinky nail, the intimidating little white blop stared him down.

Twenty-seven weeks suddenly wasn't enough time to even catch his breath.

* * *

_**Week 4**_

_**174. Stranded**_

Tony sat in the hot rod, tracing the steering wheel in silence.

_So, Dad, you're gonna be a grandfather._

He swallowed, running his hand over his face. _I don't know what to do. _

_I don't know how to "be there" for her through all this. _

_I don't know the first thing about doing this the right way, but I want to._

_She deserves it. That baby deserves it._

His stomach lurched unfavorably.

He had no one. No one else with this life experience to laugh and say "it will be okay."

Tony shut his eyes.

_What do I do, Dad? _


	2. First Trimester: Second Month

**CHAPTER TWO  
_First Trimester: Second Month_**

_**Week 5**_

_**172. Bathroom**_

Another retch. Tony winced on the other side of the door.

"Are you sure it wasn't just the eggplant parmesan?"

Pepper groaned.

Tony thought to have Jarvis unlock the door so he could awkwardly try to play the part of comforting husband, but he didn't want to upset Hormonal Pregnant Pepper. He was already anticipating her going off for no reason over the next few months anyway, so he decided to leave it.

A horribly loud retch made Tony lean away from the door.

"Pepper? Honey, let me in."

"I missed."

He grimaced.

"Tha– that's okay. Just let me in."

* * *

_**Week 6**_

_**124. Assign**_

"Coulson?"

Pepper pushed past Tony, all smiles in the doorway.

"Phil!"

"Congratulations, Mrs. Stark," Coulson said, extending her an extravagant bouquet.

Pepper lit up. "Oh, how sweet!"

"No." Tony interceded, taking the flowers. "She's pregnant. Don't hand her stuff." He fiercely probed his eyes through the white lilies and lilacs at Coulson. "Whatever Fury wants –"

"Director Fury wishes to extend the help and protection of S.H.I.E.L.D. to you while Mrs. Stark is expecting. Should you need anything, do not hesitate to contact me."

"Thank you, Phil."

"You're welcome. Congratulations again."

Coulson left. Tony rounded Pepper.

"You have his number?"

* * *

_**Week 7**_

_**183. Deadline**_

They had dinner in the streets of the French Quarter, a soulful trumpeter jazzing up his improv for the passersby. Under an awning outlined in big white light bulbs, Pepper pointed her fork at Tony as she swallowed.

"I bet it comes on the due date."

January 20th. A Tuesday.

Tony swiveled up a forkful of shrimp scampi, a noodle snapping the underside of his nose as he inhaled it. He nodded, speaking from behind his napkin.

"What are the odds of that happening?"

"One out of twenty. But most women in my family tend to deliver early."

"_How_ early?"

* * *

_**Week 8**_

_**154.**_** Disguise**

Tony was engrossed in his glass digital tablet. Pepper frowned.

"Did you ever read that book I gave you?"

"Mm?"

"The book I gave you. Did you read it?"

"What book?"

"_What to Expect When You're Expecting_?"

"Honey, you're expecting, not me."

"Tony! You're supposed to be supporting me!"

"I am! See? Look, I'm going to get you some fruit."

"Grapefruit. Please."

He sat the glass slate on the couch and walked away. Pepper snatched it up to see what was so fascinating when she saw that it _was_ the book.

"_Expectant Sex Explained."_

Pepper rolled her eyes.

_Of course._

* * *

**When I said this was AU, I meant AU as in I couldn't let Coulson stay dead. He and other Marvel friends will be making regular appearances. I hope you enjoyed this installment, and thanks for all your wonderful feedback on this first! **


	3. First Trimester: Third Month

**CHAPTER THREE  
_First Trimester: Third Month_**

_**Week 9**_

_**166. Excuse**_

"I don't need to go on maternity leave yet."

"Well, you are."

He sat the ink pen down on top of the forms on her desk.

"Sign it."

"I'm going to write a later date."

"You'll write yesterday's date. I didn't want you in _today_."

"Who is going—"

"To do your job? Ms. Romanoff has kindly filled the position."

"Natalie?"

"Natasha. No, don't look at me like that."

"I am not having—"

Tony signed her signature for her.

"There."

"Tony!"

"Agent Romanoff," – he pressed the button on the office phone – "have Happy pull around to pick us up."

* * *

_**Week 10**_

_**159. Stress**_

She's wasn't showing yet, but he could tell she was feeling it – her daily battle to zip up her jeans became the daily struggle to get _into_ the jeans, and this manifested into the daily presence of soft, loose-fitting pants.

She started devoting mornings to yoga, stretching, and walks up and down and up and down the beach.

He opened the door to her study, taking a step back.

The once-thriving business space was a tranquil Garden of Zen: greenery, trickling water, a bamboo mat dedicated to meditation with Yanni or soothing thunderstorms.

_When did she put the waterfall in?_

* * *

_**Week 11**_

_**133. Twenty**_

_1. grapefruit  
2. egg noodles  
3. blueberry toaster strudels  
4. penne  
5. white gummy bears (just buy a big bag. I'll pick the white ones out)  
6. zucchini  
7. chamomile tea (it's a yellow box)  
8. Baked Alaska  
9. skim milk  
10. sugar-free chocolate syrup  
11. hot sausage patties  
12. fresh pecan pie (not from the freezer section)  
13. pineapple  
14. Nutella –big jar  
15. celery  
16. extra sharp cheddar  
17. those little panda cookies with the chocolate filling  
18. taco seasoning  
19. 4 bunches of kale  
20. water chestnuts_

Tony raised his eyebrows.

"'Those little panda cookies with the chocolate filling?'"

"Yes!" Pepper shouted from the couch, "Please don't forget them!"

Tony sighed, heading out the door.

_Panda cookies._

* * *

_**Week 12**_

_**111. Rose**_

It was disgusting how comfortable she looked leafing through a baby name book, fresh legal pad at the ready. She'd taken the duty seriously, hunkering down with the tip of her pen in her mouth between names. Content to let her do this thing, he'd taken to upgrading Jarvis's security interface.

By the next day, she had four pages of names. Half were starred, and half of those were circled. She left it on his workbench on her way over to yoga.

He didn't look at it. It'd be too final.

Besides, what was wrong with the always-classy Tony, Jr.?


	4. Second Trimester: Fourth Month

**CHAPTER FOUR  
_Second Trimester: Fourth Month_**

_**Week 13**_

_**182. Experiment**_

Tony stood up, wiping is hands on a rag.

"_Why_ are you knitting again?"

"It's relaxing."

Across the workshop on the sofa, Pepper patiently worked a section of yarn between two needles. Her eyebrows were severely deepened in concentration, her fingers bunched up in her face. A long strand of pale yellow yarn looped from the floor up around her leg and forearm.

"Honey, you have no idea what you're doing."

Pepper smiled, successfully knitting a stitch.

"I have instructions."

She shifted, now fighting against the tangle of her yarn. Tony chuckled.

"If they're instructions on mummification, you're doing splendidly."

* * *

_**Week 14 **_

_**114. Passenger **_

Tony had six exceptionally awesome cars in his garage.

Not six cars and an SUV.

"Jarvis? What the hell is that?"

"A gift from your colleagues," the A.I. said. "It was delivered by Agent Coulson this afternoon. I believe there is a note."

Tony begrudgingly approached the offending vehicle, snatching the white cardstock embossed with S.H.I.E.L.D.'s emblem out from under the wiper blade. He flipped it over.

_Complete with car seat._

The Avengers' logo was stamped beneath it.

He tossed the card aside. He had a hard time believing _Thor_ agreed to send them an SUV.

"This reeks of Banner."

* * *

**_Week 15 _**

**_139. Insomnia  
_**

The pops and snaps of the fireplace had died down, leaving embers to smolder amidst the quiet unease in Tony's glazed eyes.

_Daddy. _

_Da-da. _

_Dad. _

_Daddy this._

_Daddy that._

There was no telling what he was up against.

"_Daddy, I wanna do it."_

"_I want _chocolate_ milk."_

"_Will you read me a bedtime story?"_

"_Can I be Iron Man today? Huh?"_

"_Pleeeeease?"_

"_Five more minutes."_

"_I ate a bug."_

"_Mommy said I could."_

"_There's a bead in my nose."_

"_Jarvis did it."_

"_Look! Looooook!"_

"_Can I have a little sister or brot-"_

NO. Holy _fuck,_ no.

…No.

No!

…No?

_Shit._

* * *

**_Week 16 _**

**_131. Map  
_**

"How's Tokyo?"

Tony eyed the people bustling around him. "Boring. Is Romanoff doing her job?"

"Phil has been taking care of my arrangements. Natasha is your assistant while I'm off, remember?"

_Again with the 'Phil.'_

"What are you doing?"

"Buying maternity clothes."

"Does Coulson make a good clothes rack?"

"He isn't helping me right now," she said, sliding through the hangers. "Happy is."

"You're not allowed to carry stuff. You carry the baby –"

"Will that be all, Mr. Stark?"

He smiled.

"I'll be home in the morning. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"_That_ will be all, Mrs. Stark."


	5. Second Trimester: Fifth Month

**CHAPTER FIVE  
_Second Trimester: Fifth Month_**

**_Week 17  
_****_137. Blender _**

The miniature maelstrom suddenly came to a grinding halt. No whirring was resurrected by stabbing buttons or shaking it; the finality of its short life was heralded by stalwart silence.

Why did he own a blender that could turn an iPhone into confetti and not blend peanut butter and ice into a simple, supple smoothie?

"Everything okay?" she called from the other room.

Damn it.

"You sure you want a _smoothie_?" he asked. "I can throw Nutter Butters in the freezer if you want cold, peanut buttery goodness."

"What did you blend in it this time?"

_Damn it._

"…glow sticks."

* * *

**_Week 18  
_****_147. Refuse_**

"For Adrienne's shower, the doctor wrote the sex on a piece of paper, she took it to the bakery, and they baked a pink or blue cake with white icing. When she cut into it, we found out it was a girl."

Tony's eyes shifted. "There are so many things wrong with that."

Pepper scowled. "What?"

"I'm not finding out the sex of my kid via _cake_."

"Come on, Tony."

"No."

"What's the big deal?"

"Big deal? Could you imagine after all this time thinking that there's only one kid in there cutting into a two-layer purple cake?"

Pepper laughed.

* * *

**_Week 19  
_****_142. Magazine _**

"You're letting WhatEverhart interview you?"

"The media was going to find out, Tony. I didn't swallow a basketball, you know."

"Like they would follow you around less if that were the case."

Pepper smiled from the passenger seat. His grip on the steering wheel was comical.

"This is really bothering you."

"No. Yes. Why _Vanity Fair_? Why not _Cosmopolitan_? Or _Popular Mechanics_?"

"_Popular Mechanics_?"

"Waaaay more relevant than _Vanity Fair_. Let me talk to Oprah. She can interview you for her magazine."

He paused, glancing over at her. "Can you set that up?"

"Sorry," Pepper grinned. "I'm on maternity leave."

* * *

**_Week 20  
_****_143. Heckle_**

_I'm Iron Man, you little lug nut._

_I save the planet, protect mankind, beat the shit out of bad guys, and have a sweet-ass collection of suits capable of things you didn't even think were possible._

_And if that's not enough to get your attention, perhaps the Hulk or this chick that goes from zero to holy fucking shit in a split second will. I've also got the God of Thunder, but I'm still coming to grips with that one._

Tony continued glaring at the sonogram.

_I'm Iron Man. _The_ Iron Man._

…_And you scare the shit out of me._

* * *

**The blender bit was inspired by one of my favorite marketing campaigns, Will It Blend? on YouTube. Watch all of them. They are wonderful. **

**I'm glad you're all enjoying this! Thanks for reading! Please review!**


	6. Second Trimester: Sixth Month

**CHAPTER SIX  
_Second Trimester: Sixth Month_**

**_Week 21  
_****_181. Mirror _**

Pepper smoothed the black velvet over her rounded belly, grimacing at what it did to her profile.

"It's not that bad," Tony said, appearing over her shoulder in the long mirror.

He threw back the last of his cognac, sliding his hand along her hip as she faced the mirror again. The velvet on the crown of her stomach caught a small arc of light, accenting her unmistakable bump no matter what her position.

"I feel like an elephant."

"You're hardly a plump pachyderm. That thing sticks out, what? Four inches right now?"

"That 'thing' is your child."

"Son."

"Daughter."

* * *

**_Week 22  
_****_115. Kick_**

Nudge. Push. Prod. Stab.

Tony swallowed the growl in his throat, trying to find a space between Pepper's tossing and the edge of the bed. He rolled away from her.

Then, when he continued getting small, sporadic nudges in the back, he suddenly realized that they weren't nudges.

Eyes wide, Tony rolled back over, looking at Pepper's stomach. The mattress beneath it bounced softly in the dark.

Pepper guided his hand to her, and after two weeks of "the baby's moving," Tony felt breathless to experience it.

"She's strong," she whispered, smiling. "Natasha's gonna have a run for her money."

* * *

**_Week 23  
_****_141. Cinnamon_**

The warmth of autumn spice hung in the air, alluring and nostalgic. Pumpkin cookies, spice cake, cinnamon rolls; a deep growl came from the pit of his stomach.

Tony floated into the kitchen, his lopsided grin faltering when he saw the counters literally piled with sweet potato pie, toffee bars, and pecan-oat crumble.

"I wanted to smell the cinnamon."

"You couldn't have bought a candle?" He staggered forward. "Pepper, what are we going to do with all this?"

"Bake sale?"

"No." He tore a hunk off the pumpkin bread. "Send it to Rogers. He strikes me as the milk-and-cookies type."

* * *

**_Week 24  
_****_163. Judge_**

He didn't like the way she was frowning at the centerpiece.

"Honey?"

Like at any moment she could cry.

"Are you going to be upset if our child isn't a genius?"

He bent his eyebrows, and she sputtered on.

"You and your father were incredibly smart, Tony, and I just don't want you to be disappointed if she doesn't graduate from MIT by seventeen."

Tony calmly took her hand, waiting for her to meet his eyes. She sniffed, and he smiled gently.

"Pepper, I'd still love him no matter what," he promised. "Even if he graduated from CalTech by fifteen."


	7. Third Trimester: Seventh Month

**CHAPTER SEVEN  
_T_****_hird Trimester: Seventh Month_**

**_Week 25  
_****_198. Couch _**

Tony paused halfway through the living room and stared at the overwhelming mountain of gifts piled on and around the couch. Eventually, he bravely approached it, set down his glass, and picked up a colorful hardback book atop some receiving blankets.

A crudely drawn pig in a pirate costume danced on the cover with a treasure map and sword.

"Pirate Piggy _Wiggy_?"

He flipped through its bright pages, reading about this pig and its teddy bear drinking pints of hot chocolate and using the plank for a diving board.

Books like this were going to make his kid a simpleton.

* * *

**_Week 26  
_****_125. Watch_**

"Mr. Stark, this package just arrived," Natasha said, setting it on his desk. "And your 4:00 is here."

_Rose Hill, Tennessee._

"Cancel my 4:00."

Natasha left. Tony opened the note attached to the small, brown-papered cube.

_Dear Mechanic,_

_The news says you're going to be a dad. I know you'll be a good one. Come visit – Mark III's almost ready!_

_Your friend, _

_Harley _

Tony smiled, opening the box. A laugh immediately leapt from him; an all-too-familiar limited edition watch and its Spanish-speaking senorita beamed up at him. He shucked the Rolex.

Pepper chuckled at dinner. "What is that?"

"Friendship bracelet."

* * *

**_Week 27  
_****_106. Settle_**

He set up a hammock under a canopy on the beach. A cool breeze and a memory rushed over him. He started to laugh. Pepper shifted against him.

"Remember the Fourth of July party we had here four or five years ago?"

"I remember waking up under the bathroom window with you standing over me in a shower curtain."

"Not one of my finer moments."

"What about the party, Tony?"

"I had a ridiculously lucid dream that night that Jarvis was our son."

Pepper's eyes narrowed. "How does that work?"

"I don't know. But you looked good in lavender silk."

* * *

**_Week 28  
_**_**130. Ceiling **_

Tony stopped dead in the doorway.

Twenty-some weeks along and she's perched precariously atop a ladder painting the goddamn ceiling.

_Does pregnancy make women stupid or something?_

"What the hell are you doing?"

She turned, ladder wobbling. "Painting."

"Get down. Now."

He steadied the ladder, its legs sinking into the carpet as she dismounted.

"What are you doing? Can't you paint little bunnies along the baseboard or just call a paint crew like a normal person? Give me that. Go knit in the rocking chair or something."

She obliged, smirking at how irritated his own concern for her made him.


	8. Third Trimester: Eighth Month

**CHAPTER EIGHT  
_Third Trimester: Eighth Month_**

**_Week 29  
_****_194. Instrument_**

Tony came up from the shop one night to find her at the piano poking out the disjointed melody line of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" with her index finger.

"You sound a bit rusty, Mozart."

"The Doctor said the baby can hear things pretty well now." She yawned. "I thought some music might calm the kicking. I'm exhausted. And sore."

"Here. Scoot."

Pepper slid down the bench, allowing him room to play a beautifully simple rendition of her performance. A few inverted chords, delicate trills, and soft melismas later, Pepper touched her quieted belly, smiling at him.

"Thank you, Daddy."

* * *

**_Week 30  
_**_**176. Monopoly**_

"Sorry, gentlemen, but Monopoly has to wait." Tony sat a red box on the table. "Pepper, here, doesn't know what 'Operation' is."

Rhodes and Happy stared at her.

"Seriously?"

"I played 'Hungry Hungry Hippos."

"Speaking of hungry, hungry hippos," - he looked to Pepper - "we're supposed to _share_ the avocado dip, Pepper."

Pepper sneered, her silence hard and lethal.

Happy gave a low whistle.

Tony quickly became uncomfortably rigid; her hormones weren't laughing.

_Damn it. _

"Hippos are _very deadly, _Tony_,_" Pepper snipped. "Particularly the ones whose husbands don't have more dip in this bowl in the next thirty seconds."

* * *

**_Week 31  
_**_**196. Camping**_

Heartburn, swelling, back ache – whatever the reason, Pepper had taken to the living room around the clock.

Her pillow and blanket were balled up on opposite ends of the couch, and she couldn't be bothered with anything but sweatpants and thin, long-sleeved shirts. Her hair had been in a tussled ponytail-ball-thing for a solid week, and sans make-up, she sported a few zits.

She didn't care, and he loved it.

"You look so shockingly normal."

Without taking her eyes off _Braveheart_, she smiled as he kissed the top of her head.

"Don't remind me. Just give me my gummy bears."

* * *

**_Week 32  
_**_**158. Mistletoe**_

"Pepper can't travel," he told Fury. "Sorrynotreally."

So she moved the Christmas party _here._

Happy was eyeballing a pack of Thor's groupies. Coulson followed Rogers around like a little kid, and Banner was showing Rhodey something on his phone. Barton handed him a drink, nodding to the string quartet playing a dainty Corelli arrangement.

"Trans Siberian Orchestra was busy, huh?"

Near the fireplace, Pepper chatted with Thor's astrophysicist girlfriend and her lackey.

Then, out of nowhere, it hit him.

He saw it. That ethereal pregnancy glow brightly emanating from her, shimmering in her hair like magic.

God, she was beautiful.


	9. Third Trimester: Ninth Month

**CHAPTER NINE  
_Third Trimester: Ninth Month_**

**_Week 33  
_**_**186. Flustered**_

"I am so tired of being pregnant."

Over the last couple weeks, Tony had witnessed many variations of this statement.

"I just going to have it right now."

"I'm sick of being such a cow."

"My back is killing me, Tony."

"Uggghhh!"

"Is this ever going to end?"

"I'm so miserable!"

"Make it stooooop."

Indescribable groans.

Loud, obscene strings of words.

Sourceless sobs and unwanted weeping.

Slamming the refrigerator door.

Slamming the bedroom door.

Loudly dropping dishes in the sink.

Cleaning _everything_.

Talking walks to induce labor.

Kicking her shoes off into the wall.

Kicking _him_ in her sleep.

"Toooonnnyyyy…"

**_Week 34  
_**_**105. Understand**_

"What does she want from me, Jarvis? Huh? _What_ does she _want_?"

"I'm not entirely sure I follow."

"If I tell her she's beautiful, she says she's a whale. If I make her dinner, she doesn't want it, but if I _don't_ cook, I'm not trying hard enough! She threw milk in my face today!"

"Patience will persevere, sir."

Tony continued pacing. "I give her flowers, they end up in the garbage disposal. _Phil's _flowers _never_ go in the garbage disposal. She's become an inconsolable, irrational _banshee_."

"Remember this is no easier for her, sir."

"Whose side are you on?"

* * *

**_Week 35  
_**_**108. Pancake**_

"Tony?"

He looked up from his large stack of pancakes, taking one more from the heaping platter on the table. He met Rhodey's eyes, devoid of his normal gusto.

"Tony, what is this? You look awful, man."

"Pepper left for the day. Accounting took her out for a mani pedi."

"And you… made pancakes?"

Tony slid him a plate. He sat down.

"I'm a mess, Rhodey. I wish I could talk to my dad," he confessed quietly. "I can't do this anymore —"

"Take it easy, Tony," Rhodes said, drizzling syrup on his pancakes. "No woman ever stayed pregnant forever."

* * *

**_Week 36  
_**_**104. Empty**_

January 20th. A Tuesday.

Tony stood in the dark nursery over the empty crib. An unfamiliar sadness crept into his chest as he touched the mobile. A few notes tinkled out of it, drifting away in the cold night.

Was…. was he actually upset that this baby hadn't arrived yet?

Lord knew Pepper was. She seemed on the verge of spontaneous combustion if this didn't end soon, and her hormones were entering the bat-shit crazy phase. For the sake of sanity, this kid needed to be born, pronto.

Until then, the small void within him remained, eager to be filled.


	10. Labor and Delivery

**CHAPTER TEN  
_Labor and Delivery  
_**

**_January 24__th__, 7:54 PM  
_**_**180. Scarf**_

"Sir?"

"Why did you mute my music?"

Pepper's voice suddenly blasted over the intercom and down the stairs.

"Because I'm going into _labor_!"

Tony dropped his socket wrench and flew across the workshop, bounding upstairs. Pepper was at the door, slipping on her coat and covering her belly.

"How far apart?"

"Five minutes."

"And you didn't _tell _me?" he asked, hopping as he put on his shoe.

"Let's go, Tony."

"Where's your scarf?"

"I don't need it."

"It's January!"

"It's Malibu!"

"Pepper, it is legitimately snowing outside, and you are _not _wearing _those shoes _to th—

"Tony Stark!"

"Fine! Go!"

* * *

**_January 25__th__, 3:30 AM  
_**_**113. Knowledge**_

Progress was slow. By 3:30 in the morning, she still refused Pitocin, and there wasn't anything on besides an _Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader? _marathon.

She was lucky he loved her so damn much.

"_What is the first stage of the hydrologic cycle?"_

From the chair beside her bed, Tony glanced over as Pepper murmured, "Evaporation."

The contestant squinted. _"The what?"_

"Jesus," Tony scoffed. "My kid isn't even _born_ yet and knows the answer to that question."

"Well," Pepper said, "it isn't called _Are You Smarter than Tony Stark's Unborn Child_."

He smirked. "That's because nobody would win."

* * *

**_January 25__th__, 9:13 AM  
_**_**161. Push**_

Where do men get this crap about their wives being "the most beautiful he's ever seen her" while in the throes of labor?

Pepper was _horrifying_.

He eyes were filled with broken blood vessels. Her hair was matted, stringy, and frizzy, sticking to her blotchy, sweaty skin and lips in stringy curves. Her fingernails dug deep, red half-moons up and down his forearm during contractions. She screamed out obscenities and barbaric cries of agony. There were fluids and smears and things he'd rather not commit to memory.

But then, with a great exhale and a tiny wail, it was over.

* * *

**_January 25__th__, 10:55 AM  
_**_**200. Speech**_

Six pounds, eleven ounces.

Eighteen inches long.

Ten fingers, ten toes.

Blue eyes. Tuft of dark hair.

_Boy_.

_His boy_ was smack dab front-and-center in the nursery window, wriggling under Pepper's little yellow blanket and a tiny blue cap. Every move he made was incredible.

He needed to revise that statement about Pepper being the one thing that gave him purpose and made life worth living.

_Is this what it felt like, Dad? When you saw me for the first time? Because holy shit._

Rhodes smiled, squeezing his shoulder.

"I hope he acts _just like you_."

"Go to hell, Rhodey."

* * *

**Thank you all for your readership! I had so much fun writing this little pet project of mine. Also, this quickly became my most-followed fan fiction, so I thank you again for sticking to it! I apologize for leaving you hanging for this last chapter, but my own little man has been a bit under the weather. It is always a pleasure to write Pepperony, and I'm sure I'll have mor in the future! Thanks for reading, reviewing, and enjoying the story!**


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